Playing The Middle Ages game in Bushwick is a fool’s errand. And yet sometimes you have to drink cans of Genesee and well tequila in 16-degree weather until it feels like Valentine’s Day. Never mind that you will wish you were dead on Presidents’ Day.

Where: Central Station

When: A little after 6pm

Age appropriate? Not really.

Where: The Shop

When: 7:30pm

Age appropriate? For men who like honky tonk, yes. I don’t think there were any ponytails yet I keep picturing that.

Where: Heavy Woods

When: Roughly 9pm

Age appropriate? I want to say no, but I stopped paying attention by this point and started focusing on my fried chicken biscuit sandwich.

Where: Pearl’s Social and Billy Club (previously)

When: 10-ish

Age appropriate? Nope. And despite the name, the vibe always feels vaguely anti-social.

Where: The Cobra Club

When: 11pm or so

Age appropriate? There were a few non-young men. Ladies? No, I don’t think so. Then again, I saw a photo the next day showing a slice of pizza and  I don’t remember that either.